Rekindling desire

"...desire, like hunger and sleep, cannot be willed, forced, or simply negotiated; it must arise out of a context of optimal conditions...I think that it is possible for couples to reconcile attachment and desire in their long-term relationships, but only when they are able to create a context for desire to thrive, even if only intermittently. This context must include the delicate balance of separateness and togetherness, responsibility and freedom, and transparency and mystery...Separateness, privacy, and mystery do not need to be dirty words in couple relationships; for many couples, these are actually the missing ingredients needed to foster or maintain passion." p. 240


Source: Scheinkman, Michele (2005). Beyond the trauma of betrayal: Reconsidering affairs in couple therapy. Family Process, 44(2).